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I Just Want The Bad Boy To Love Me

I Just Want The Bad Boy To Love Me

by February 18, 2016
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On a lazy Saturday, I sat and watched re-runs of the show “Everybody Hates Chris” when a particular episode caused me to reflect.

In this episode, the character Chris was trying to get the attention of one of the girls in his neighborhood. So he decides to get advice from an older gentleman who told him to act like the rapper on T.V. who was known to disrespect females. Upon hearing the advice, Chris began to treat every girl who approached him with a mean, dismissive attitude, once he acted as if he did not care about the girls at all, then they wanted him to call them for a date.

The saying is true that “Art imitates Life” and even though this scenario takes places in a high school setting, the same cycle happens in adult life. Sadly, most dating advice you find is very generic giving cutesy tips on how to dress or play “the game” but when it comes to repetitive behaviors, we need to begin by taking a deeper look at ourselves. This caused me to ask; why women often hold on to men or want to be with men that are labeled as the “bad boy”?

I know a great number of women who suffer from this type of attraction, at one time myself included. The symptoms range from excusing the mistreatment with saying, “I need a REAL man” or ” I don’t want a pushover.” Of course, every woman wants a REAL man, and I agree no women wants a pushover, however being attracted to a man who does not want you and shows it, is something different.

So what is it? Woman feed on validation, everything from compliments to adoration. It’s part of our genetic makeup and is one of the attributes connected to the need for security. This type of attraction could feed on the chase of validation from childhood neglect to social bullying from high school and ends with creating low self-esteem.

However, even women with a persona of high self-esteem can be plagued with not understanding why they are attracted to someone who does not want them. A woman can feel very validated in her career and/or being a mother but still not feel worthy of true love. The scary thing is she may not even know that she is enabling this emotional cycle.

Unfortunately, several men know this and in the hands of the wrong man who places it upon a woman who is vulnerable for security can end with a cycle of blind chasing on the woman’s part. This type of manipulation can be very emotionally damaging.

Here’s the real deal ladies, if you find yourself competing with another woman for a man’s attention. Or if after taking back your cheating boyfriend when he stood you up to be with another woman, you secretly find a sense of validation of being the CHOSEN one. Then, STOP and evaluate WHY you are feeding on this false sense of security.

Once you have taken a good look at the woman in the mirror, through meditation, journaling, or counseling, and you have begun to embrace all of your good and bad, try to start self-validating. One way to start doing this is by using affirmations throughout the day. Say,  “I am a Fabulous Woman deserving of a GREAT love.” I know it may sound a little corny and in the beginning, it may be a bit odd, but trust me what you speak about, you bring about!!!!

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments, because, hey, it’s just MY Perspective!

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